It took 20 of being sober to realize I grew up in a dysfunctional family. It is amazing how distorted my perception of normal was. My family is blue collar, and all the people I emulated were heavy into drinking, drugs, and the debauchery that comes along with it. Seeing Aunts and Uncles showing up with black eyes or new stories of being arrested were very common. This was my version of normal. ​The 80’s were a great time to grow up! Every day I rode bikes, played football, baseball and basketball, and stayed out until the streetlights came on. Naivety and innocence went hand in hand and allowed me to enjoy my youth. However, all the family parties (I enjoyed so much) were filled with booze and drugs. I was a bartender as soon as I could “fetch” a beer and poor Whiskey and water in a glass. I was slowly learning that life revolves around partying. ​When I was in 7th grade, I had already been sneaking drinks, but my buddies older brother brought out a bottle of Seagrams 7. It was passed around and I took a big slug. It was horrible! It tasted disgusting! It burned my throat! I wanted to spit it out or get sick, or both. But I didn’t. I held it down, and when the bottle came back around I took another pull. This is what I thought was expected of me. Normal people don’t like something they don’t do it again. That was not an option for me. ​High School was great, but also a blur. It was one party after the next, and I had a tolerance, so I managed to make a host of older friends. This helped the problem of getting booze, so I always had a good supply. I was also smoking weed every day and doing hallucinogenics as often as I could get them. I got in trouble frequently, but none with the law, yet. I managed to graduate high school by the skin of my teeth. ​Already going through the throws of addiction myself, I didn’t really notice, or care about the fact that my parents had become addicted to much heavier drugs. Losing jobs and our house, I just went through the motions. Escaping into the military. I ran from my problems at home but never lost any of my own addictions. ​ I loved serving! From my first drink to my last, my only sober time was during the 11 weeks in basic training. However, as soon as I got out of that I was back to being drunk as often as I could be. I loved my job in the ARMY, the people I served with and traveling the world. However, the Army didn’t like my drinking, and I got in a lot of trouble there as well. As soon as I could get out I did, again by the skin of my teeth. ​ When I got out of the service, I had a good job lined up, but while I waited for that job to start, I took a job as a bouncer. I liked being a bouncer, and the rule is, the sober guy wins. So while I worked, I would remain sober. That is until 4am when the bar closed. When it did is when I would start my drinking for the night. When you start your drinking at 4am you get a whole new level of friends and I was soon introduced to Cocaine. I fell in love immediately. It allowed me to drink more, stop blacking out, stop wetting the bed, and stop getting sick. I thought this was the greatest. ​ I got my good job, and thanks to new addictions, quickly lost it. So I took a job as a cook at a bar, where I could do and deal drugs. I stayed drunk and high for 3 years. My car was repossessed, I was evicted from the crumbiest apartment ever, I wore the same pair of stinky jeans every day and thought I was doing great! ​During all of this I managed to get an on again/off again girlfriend pregnant. I was 25 years old and told I was going to be a dad, so that meant more celebrating. This inevitably led to the best decision of life, choosing to be a father, but it didn’t lead to immediate recovery, that took a bit more pain. My daughter was born, and I remember for the first holding her. Knowing that feeling of love, like I had never felt before, I swore off drugs that day. That lasted one week. On Jan 6 2004, I woke up in jail again. This wasn’t my first time being in jail. I had numerous encounters because of my addictions. I didn’t go to jail every time I had been drinking, but every time I went to jail I had been drinking. It was a crap shoot every time I put the bottle to my lips. Also, when you wake up in jail from being blackout drunk, you’re guilty. How did I know if I did what they were accusing me of? So, I am in jail again and had some serious charges against me. Then I caught my reflection in the mirror. I said out loud, “I don’t want to be like this anymore.” My daughter was 3 months old, and she was the only person I was thinking of. I decided right then and there that being her father was the only thing I wanted to do. That my whole idea of normalcy was ugly, and that the person I had become is not the person that I wanted to be. I have not had a drink or a drug since. ​ I did my detox in 3 days of jail, and a friend bonded me out. I saw my daughter and settled things with her mother, telling her about my new plans to stay sober. Then through the help of my mother and grandmother, who was 26 years sober at the time. I started to hit meetings. I went to meetings with my ears open and heard a message. While the stories I heard were so different than mine, they were managing to stay sober. They were able to pay bills. They smelled nice. They smiled and laughed. What I got was that was hope. If they could do it, maybe I could too. ​ I fell in love with the fellowship. They said do 90 meeting in 90 days. I did that. They said get a sponsor and work the steps. I did that too. They said share at meetings and try to help others. I even did that. They said, find a higher power, and while I fought it. God was working in my life without me even knowing it. The tables were my higher power for the first few years of recovery. I trusted these people, I loved these people and they led me in a positive direction. ​When I was 9 month sober, I was at the meeting after the meeting, and a man I respected a great deal as me what I was going to do now. I said I had money for school from the Army, but I wasn’t a good student. He looked me dead in the eye, called me an idiot and said go to school. The next day I signed up for school and 4 years later had a degree. Which led to a career. Everything I am and everything I will be is because of AA. ​As the years went on, I learned more and more about myself. I was able to recognize my character defect and shortcomings and try to put them aside and that worked. I got married, worked, had all the material possessions and had another son. I developed a relationship with a God of my understanding. I sponsored people, and lived the program one day at a time, but I became complacent. I became a workout enthusiast and ran 4 marathons and 3 triathlons. Helped others and thought I was good. ​  When Covid hit, my work became my everything. Money became my new higher power, and old habits started to creep back in. I didn’t drink or drug, but I cheated, was dishonest and slowly started becoming another version of myself that I didn’t want to be. Then God showed himself in the form of a detatched retina. I had to have a surgery that required me to lay face down for 8 days. 8 of the darkest days of my life, where I had nothing but my past to look at and this time, I couldn’t blame drugs or alcohol. When I got up, with 20 years sober, I had to again get humble. So I started another 90 in 90. Hit meeting hard and didn’t look back. I also read Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox. A Beatitude stuck out to me, Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. Which Mr. Fox translated as Blessed are those seeking spirituality for that shall inherit serenity. I took that advice, and I ran with it. I went and found a church. I was baptized and now follow Jesus. Which has changed everything. ​ Today I am so grateful. I have the love of my kids; I am experiencing new fellowships through social media and am trying to help other people all the time. Today I try to build people up and show them they are not alone, and I am proud of anyone doing anything to better themselves. I feel God’s love and I try to pass that love along. God love you and so do I.